ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
