If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
