I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
