dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
