No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
