I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Ladies don't puke and tell
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