I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
