Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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