soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Ketchup is God's man juice
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
