Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
