If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad