btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?