I can tuck mytits in my pants
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.