i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...