Midget sex pt 2 tonight
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
