I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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