Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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