***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
