I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
