I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
