I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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