My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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