I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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