i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
