I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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