It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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