Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
