I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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