Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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