Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize