saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize