will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
