just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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