I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
