If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
im holly from the hills drunk
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
