Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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