why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
