dude i'm inner monologue high
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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