I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I smell like Dick and happiness
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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