It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize