If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
