Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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