im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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