I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
