quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize