i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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