when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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