last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
