dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
