your thong is hanging out like whoa
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
