While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
