The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
