maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
