I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
