You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
