we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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