Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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