Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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