Apparently you make a good broom.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
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