In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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