just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i believe in u and ur pee
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
