Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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