last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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