Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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