come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
