I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
