someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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