he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
