What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
