Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
